2. Death (to self and of the body)
>
> I think God has let me come to place of *absolute surrender,* as Andrew
> Murray put it. Though my self is still there, It has been dealt quite a
> blow. It came to me through a dark moment and a prayer that God answered.
> I felt so low and abandoned that I didn't know what to do. In tears I asked
> God to let me read the Scripture I needed. I opened up to Daniel, and my
> eyes fell on a single verse:
>
> "At the beginning of thy supplications the commandment came forth, and I
> am come to shew thee; for thou art greatly beloved: therefore understand the
> matter, and consider the vision." --Daniel 9:23
>
> It was for Daniel, a man far more righteous than me, when He prayed. But it
> meant something to me. God heard my prayer, and lovingly answered it too. He
> knew what I had prayed moments ago. And this is what enabled me to come to
> absolute surrender: I understood that I was loved for no other reason than
> that God *is* love. He loves me. He loves me! And that means more to me than
> my whole life. I am loved by my Father in heaven. I never understood His love
> before. To think that He loves me so, all I want to do is abide in His love.
>
> When I was younger, my dad used to tell me how proud he was of me. It gave
> me the most wonderful gratitude and appreciation that he appreciated me.
> Nothing made me want, earnestly want, to honor my father with all my heart
> more than when he told me that. That's how it was with me when I realized
> God's love.
>
> It means the difference of life and death to think on Jesus' love whenever
> I am low or discouraged. It helps every time. I think I avoided meditating
> on verses about the goodness and love of God out of fear that I would stretch
> their importance out of proportion with scriptures on judgement and
> holiness. But the love and judgement of God are two sides of the same
> coin.
>
> That night, I met with a friend who was saved in October. He is devouring
> the scriptures. As this man spoke about the Bible, God spoke to me, and I
> realized that I was not right with God. He convicted me. My hunger for God
> was almost nonexistent, and I could tell by hearing this man speak. He
> knew far less than me about scriptures, yet He believed every word and was so
> hungry for more. I got in my truck and confessed to God and prayed to be
> right with Him. Scriptures and His mercy allowed me to set my heart right
> with Him.
>
> Before I pulled out, I saw something coming at my head. It wasn't real,
> but it seemed real. I saw a javelin coming at my head from behind. It hit me,
> and just as I felt a tingle and expected pain, it was like I woke up from
> a dream and everything was fine. I wasn't hurt, and I felt no pain, to my
> pleasant surprise. Just as I realized that, I realized that I was looking
> at my self in front of me. My body had died-- and I was still alive and
> thinking and feeling, as a spirit. My time was up. I was going to be with
> the Lord.
>
> I don't know if that is what death is like, but I didn't want to die then.
> I was so fearful of going then without having done much for the Lord that I
> had to pray earnestly before I could even drive home. I was worried I
> would be in a car accident. In that car, before I left, I had to come to terms
> with God and the fact that I will die and only have a short time here. And
> I read a scripture in Psalms that said "fear not." So my fear died. I came
> to trust God in a new way that night.
>
> The next day, I came into my prayer closet, and all I could say is
> something like, "Lord, I am totally dependent on you. I completely depend on you or
> else that is it for me." And it was shocking to consider in that moment that
> there is nothing God delights in more--or demands more-- than for His
> children to depend on Him totally! The very thing I most needed is what He
> will most provide. He wants me to put all my trust in Him. Now that is one
> thing that I can do in my weakness. Oh bless Jesus Christ. I love Him.
>
> How good He is. To think that Jesus Christ, that made heaven, the stars,
> the plants, me, my food, my family, EVERYTHING good, loves me and knows my
> thoughts and says, "Come, meet with me." I am just astounded from time to
> time about the simplicity that is in the Bible. It is so simple. It is so
> simple.
>
> Last night, in my bed, I was falling asleep, so wonderfully surrounded by
> the Lord and hope. I began to feel like I was dying again. But this time,
> I was ready. If Christ wanted me to come home, my conscience was clean. It
> thought that if I were tortured and burned at the stake, all I would want
> to do is forgive the poor people and tell them about Jesus. Afterwards, my
> thoughts turned to my uncle, how when He dies, he will not have that same
> assurance. He will leave his body and be tormented.
>
> I came to love the day of one's death last night-- and look forward to it
> and keep it in mind for conscience's sake, so I don't lose my reward.
>
> In conclusion to all the deceptions and death in the world, though
> terrible and corruptions of good things, it seems that they are yet still for our
> benefit. Despite the enemy's efforts, nothing can by any means hurt us.
> Then will come that blessed day when we are tempted no more. Oh blessed day! I
> don't know what all is left for my life or yours, but I have hope now in
> life and in death.
>
> 3. Lights Out and other matters
>
> This is a quick note about sleep. A study showed that every minute of
> sleep you get before midnight is worth four after. A book called "Lights Out"
> showed how people used to go to bed with the sun and get up with the
> rooster's call and consequently slept more and got up earlier than many do
> today. Unnatural lighting has changed that. Your body produces serotonin
> the darkness. Serotonin helps you sleep and digest food as well I believe. If
> you see light for as little as maybe a minute after your body has adjusted
> to the darkness, you body quits producing serotonin. This upsets your
> sleep cycle, and your digestion.
>
> Who knows what else our abnormal lighting, electromagnetic radiation in
> the form of electricity, and unusual sleeping pattens has affected. For all of
> my childhood, I never could figure out how people sleep in. I went to bed
> about 9-10 every night and was too tired to stay up later. My body woke me
> up every morning at 6:30 like clockwork. It was wonderful to wake up at
> the same time, before everyone else. I had peace when I woke up because I
> wasn't tired. In fact, I never had to use an alarm for school until I messed up
> my sleep cycle by staying up too late for a few nights in a row my last year
> of high school. This has done far more to make me tired, inefficient, and
> unable to think clearly as anything else ever has. I am still trying to
> get back on a good schedule to this day.
>

> One last thing. In experiencing the peace of God, the assurance of a clean
> conscience, and the clarity of mind that comes from believing God
> wholeheartedly, I keep realizing that it is not a completely knew
> feeling/way of living for me. I have recently had thoughts, joys, a
> simplicity that I had tasted as a child before many of the pollutions of
> the world entered in after my parents divorced. The grace of God completely
> overshadowed me as a child to the point of complete peace no matter what
> happened. Your little one is so precious, my friend, because she is pure.
>
> Jesus said, "Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I
> say unto you, That in heaven *their angels* do always behold the face of
> my Father which is in heaven." There is a special grace God has for children.
> I remember for me, the worse things were, the more peace and joy I had
> knowing that it will all be okay in the end. That concentration camp did not put
> terror in my heart-- it made me fear God as a child. Death-- and Christ--
> is only a heartbeat away.
>
> May God continue to bless you and your little one. Oh, how I will bless
> God for all of eternity that my father raised me out of most of the pollutions
> of this world.

In Christ,

VigilantWatchman